Where I have been

So, I am not sure if I am back or not but I thought I would update. I was not sure how much I would share and how much I would keep in but I think it is important to share as hard as it is. It just sucks because I will be posting bad new before I even got to post the good news. On April 12 Sean and I found out we were pregnant. We were ecstatic to say the  least. His parents happen to be in town and we were able to tell them  in person. It had always been such a dilemma not knowing how we would tell them, it just worked out perfectly.  Then we went down the list telling my parents and everyone was so excited. We kept in the family until we went to the doctor that Friday. At that point they said we were 7 weeks. I started buying the baby books and was just so excited. Many people found out that day and we were flying on cloud 9. Things were going well and we had our first ultrasound on April 28th. We could not wait to see our little peanut. It seemed like it took forever for those two weeks to pass by. I continued to read everything I could about my pregnancy so I could be well informed. I was trying to still get some exercise but I was so tired all the time it didn't really happen. I also of course had to stop trying to lose weight. Everything was changing and we were so excited for the journey. That thursday came and it was the day after the tragic storms we had here in Alabama. I hated to be so excited when so many were with out anything but none the less we went to our ultrasound. We were able to see the little munchkin but he or she was just a little blob. Still so cute. Heart rate was good and they told everything was looking great but we were not as far along as he had first said. They told us we were only six weeks. It wasn't that big of a deal but I was very surprised. We saw the doctor he told us we were looking great and he would see us in a month.
Straight from the doctor we left for the beach. We had had the trip planned for a while with some friends from college and we were excited to go hang out and spread our good news. We made it down Thursday night and went to dinner and then came back to the condo to wait for the others to arrive. I went on to bed because I was so tired. I woke up friday morning super early for no reason and watched part of the royal wedding. I thought she was beautiful and I got swept up into the fairy tail. Then I went back to sleep and woke up and everyone was up and talking. Sean and I decided it would be a good time to share our news! Everyone was happy and it was fun to share our news with such a great group of friends. We all started getting ready for a day in the sun. Before we walked down I decided I would go to the restroom one more time in hopes of not having to walk back up millions of times. Thats when our world changed again. Sean came over to find me in a heap of tears so we called my doctor and they told us to go to the ER. That was the longest drive of my life filled with bargaining with God and pleading with him. After two ultrasounds we  knew there was no longer a heartbeat so the decision had to be made as to what we wanted to do. I decided to have a d and c so we waited. The whole day is a blur of waiting but then I also remember every little detail. God put some amazing doctors and nurses in my path that day I was very lucky for that. It was hard because we didn't have our family with us and we wanted to be with them during this terrible time. We made it through the day and after thinking about it we decided to stay at the beach for the night because it was so late when I finally was discharged. We were spent emotionally and physically. Unfortunately the anesthesia made me sick so that night was terrible, but our great friends helped by going to get my prescriptions for me. I woke up the next morning and still wanted to go to the beach before we were to head home that afternoon. The day was so nice and it was so good to be at the beach and hangout with friends to keep my mind off of things we decided to stay. We didn't want to go back to the devastation that was Alabama. So we stayed the rest of the weekend. It was terrible coming back home everything was a reminder that we no longer were going to have a baby. It has been such a hard journey and everyday I struggle with the fact that I am no longer pregnant. I know God has an amazing plan for us and we have always left things in his hand. So we continue to leave it in his hand but it is hard. I struggle everyday. Mother's day was hard, fridays are hard everyday is hard but also most days it is getting better. It is a struggle.
Starting on Monday I back on my diet and exercise plan so I can get my body in the best possible shape so that we can try again. My mom and I have a fun trip to New York to celebrate her birthday and to see one of my very best friends. I want to be looking good for that as well so I am about to kick it into high gear.
So this has been where I have been and this is the journey that we have been on.